Finding the Courage to Live Fully: Finding Balance with Food, Part 6

September 3, 2009 { }

If this is your first time reading this series, you might want to catch up here.

Last week I talked about how being fat was a coping mechanism for me, one that let me play it safe and hide from life. I had a fantasy that once I was thin, I’d be able to do all of those things I’d dreamed of for so long. It didn’t happen that way, though. I was the exact same person in a thin body.

Being thin and still scared of life, I was confronted with myself. All along, I thought my weight was the problem. But it wasn’t. I was the one constant. I was the problem.

I’d spent years living half-way. I was tired of watching from the sidelines as other people went after their dreams. Deep down, I wanted more from life. I wanted to live a full, meaningful life.

What does living fully mean to me? It means having the willingness:

to take chances.
to fail.
to succeed.
to work hard for what matters to me, especially when I don’t know the outcome.
having the courage to stand strong in my beliefs and do what is right for me.
to admit when I’m wrong and own when I’m right.
to love, to hope, to dream.
to treat myself and my life with care and respect.

In order to live fully and peacefully in my own body, I had to first accept reality as it was and stop hoping and
wishing for ‘someday’ to come, which necessarily included:

accepting that my weight is not a constant. Sometimes it’s a few pounds more, sometimes it’s a few pounds less.
accepting that I am perfectly imperfect – and letting go of the unattainable idea of perfection.
learning to be grateful in all situations.

I’ve had help along the way – friends and mentors who have loved me and believed in me through difficult times when I couldn’t love or believe in myself. From that, I’ve developed a relationship with my God, as I understand Him. It’s a personal relationship that is in no way religious. Instead, it’s a spiritual connection that works for me, one that I do not push on anyone. I take the same attitude with my relationship with God as I do with my food – there is no one size fits all!! I have to do what works for me and encourage others to do the same. And, hey, if you don’t believe in God that’ s ok with me too. This is just my take on it. I don’t need you to agree with me.

This was the single most important turning point in my life, the real starting point for developing a strong sense of Amy, of who I am, which is not connected to what I do, my bank account, my home, my weight. Instead, my sense of self is grounded in knowing that I am never alone, that I am ok just as I am this moment. I have a soft spot to fall.

My husband has also been an incredible source of love and support, but more than that I’ve grown from watching how he lives his life. Joe is one of the most brilliant sales and marketing executives in the US today. (Believe me, you’ll never hear him say that, nor would you know it if you met him. He’s the most humble man I know.) Does he know the most? Probably not. Is he the most educated? Nope. Has he written books? Not my husband. Brilliance is in none of those things.

Last year he was working a huge deal – one that had gone on for almost nine months. He’d taken calls on the weekends, during dinner, left town on a moment’s notice, and did everything the other party asked for and then a little more. He’d been promised that the deal was his.

When it came time to close the deal, though, the other party backed out.

Joe was devastated – for a time. But it didn’t stop him for even a second. He accepted it for what it was, refused to fight it, and moved on to the next deal. He looked for things to be grateful for in the situation – and found them. Soon, a bigger, better deal came along and was handed to him with no struggle at all.

Brilliance, you see, is in the action. I learned that there is no failure as long as you don’t quit.

This is why fantasizing about being thin and hoping for ‘someday’ but never doing anything different didn’t work. Today I take action, even if it’s small, to live each day fully. Food is not the answer anymore. Being the right person is, which necessarily includes taking the right action to take care of my body, my health, my mind, and my soul.

Next week, I’m going to talk about how gratitude has helped me change all situations, and especially how it helps me today to not use food to avoid life.

I’m sharing with you one of our favorite dinners – quick and healthy meal for busy nights – my mushroom frittata. Every home cook needs a few good egg recipes in her back pocket. Put this one there, too. It’ll save you when you get home late or haven’t had time to go to the market.

May you find balance and freedom,

Much Love,

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Comments

17 Responses to “Finding the Courage to Live Fully: Finding Balance with Food, Part 6”

Iris
September 3rd, 2009 @ 12:48 pm

As always, your posts are inspiring! I’m working on learning how to live fully and not always wait for “someday.” Thanks for sharing your story with all of us.

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Thanks, Iris. You made my day. I think that we are all working on it…I know that it’s a daily practice for me.

[Reply]
Lauren
September 3rd, 2009 @ 6:23 pm

Lovely post! I definitely understand living half-way, as I’ve done that a lot, especially when I was sick. Taking chances, and being willing to fail have been some of the best things for me. Thanks for reminding me about them, as I need them more than I realize.

[Reply]
gfe--gluten free easily
September 3rd, 2009 @ 10:38 pm

These finding balance with food posts are so powerful, Amy. I love reading them. You share your message to help others and as you said, don’t need anyone to agree with you. I love that!

Regarding taking chances and failing that Lauren mentioned, I always think of what was said about Edison, something like he failed thousands of times before he succeeded. And, then I also heard it put another way … he learned X number of ways how not to make the light bulb.

I do think willpower is never enough if one has food intolerances though. The food that one is intolerant to must be removed from the diet before the person can make the other changes/progress.

Thanks,
Shirley

[Reply]
Kim, The Food Allergy Coach
September 4th, 2009 @ 7:06 am

I have recommended your blog, especially this series about your own personal struggles, to many people. We can all learn from what you are sharing. Thank you!

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 4th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Thank you so much, Kim. I appreciate your support and the recommendations.

[Reply]
~ ~Ahrisha~ ~
September 4th, 2009 @ 9:13 am

Hi Amy~ ~This is my first visit and I’m really enjoying myself. It’s inspiring to read your story. I really must try your cupcake recipe.
Congrats on the Food Network appearance. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. Please stop by for a visit when you can.
~ ~Ahrisha~ ~

[Reply]
Jenn AKA The Leftover Queen
September 4th, 2009 @ 9:41 am

Maybe your husband hasn’t written a book yet, but you might need to!

Another wonderful post Amy. I see a lot of myself in these stories and struggles to become the person you are meant to be.

I am coming down the home stretch of a very important part of that in my own life – figuring out what I am meant to do with my life, and taking all the mundane steps to allow that dream to come true. It has been an almost year long process…but it is the first time I have really gone for it, in all senses of the word, despite downfalls, struggles and pitfalls!!

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 4th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Jenn – I can completely relate to where you are. I am in the same place where I finally have no excuses and am going for what I really want in life. This morning I am going through one of those mundane phases where it’s just one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing even if it’s boring and uneventful. And, yes, the struggles, failures, skinned knees along the way are obviously a necessary part of the process.

I know that you will be a huge success!! I’m holding on to that for you.

[Reply]
Jenn AKA The Leftover Queen Reply:
September 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Thanks Amy! You rock!

[Reply]
Tiffany S.
September 4th, 2009 @ 4:14 pm

Hi Amy – Stopped by for the first time and so glad I did because this post made me almost cry. I know how you feel. Though I’m now in a place of peace with myself, there were so many years I watched others get ahead while I held myself back.

Thanks for the courage to post your story. I look forward to reading the rest.

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 4th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I know…I was there for so long. It seems like we all have to go through a journey that is sometimes not so pretty but in the end we emerge stronger, deeper, better people.

I’m so glad you found my blog and it resonated with you. Thank you for taking the time to share with me.

[Reply]
The Old Hen Blog
September 5th, 2009 @ 12:29 pm

I am so sorry for my belated wishes but I wanted to be sure to say congratulations on being a Finest Foodies Friday blog!

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 5th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Thank you so much! Congrats to you as well.

[Reply]
Angie
September 5th, 2009 @ 2:31 pm

Amy – thanks for sharing! What a beautiful inspiring story. I think so many of us have had issues with food – before I became obsessed with healthy eating I was obsessed with not eating. This world needs a lot of healing – I think that emotional/spiritual healing through self discovery and physical healing through eating healthy, whole-foods work well together. I look forward to reading your other posts. I’ve been out of the loop lately with no internet for 2 weeks. Hope all is well & have a great weekend!

[Reply]
Clare
September 3rd, 2010 @ 7:38 am

Oh Amy you are amazing, there is so much wisdom in what you share, and it rings so true for me! Being a ‘people pleaser’ all my life and not having the courage to stand up for myself and trust myself to do what deep down I know is best for me, is what I need to do. I love ‘I dont need people to agree with me’ and ‘let go of the unattainable idea of perfection’ as it causes us to give up because its impossible to be perfect! And ‘food is not the answer, being the right person is’ WOW…Thankyou for helping me to ’see’… God bless you!

[Reply]
Amy Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:27 pm
@Clare, I think that the right info comes our way at the right time…there was someone who helped me ’see,’ too. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to pass what I’ve learned along. Hugs.

[Reply]